


Dread and Irresolution

by CoyoteXVX



Category: AFI
Genre: Gen, baby javeys, because it's pain and home all in one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9821840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoyoteXVX/pseuds/CoyoteXVX
Summary: Of course with Jade's luck, he's just attractive enough for this type of encounter.





	

Jade couldn’t help but feel some measure of pride as he and his bandmates wrapped up their fourth show, even if they were playing to a smaller crowd. He had hardly looked up and didn’t bother to estimate how many were there. Sweating and smiling, he said a “Thank you!” into his microphone and started packing up his guitar.

“Wanna go back to your place?” A voice came from behind.

“What?” Jade turned to face the speaker, head spinning from the post show high and the forwardness of the question. His cheeks burned when he realized the voice belonged to another guy who looked to be in his mid twenties. He was taller than Jade, relatively buff, and sported stubble and a red mohawk.

 “Great set, do you wanna go back to your place?” He raised an intimidating, pierced eyebrow. While he was attractive, everything about this encounter made Jade’s heart race in the way that made him feel like puking.

 “That’s... Really awesome of you, uh,” Jade looked at the floor and continued twining his guitar cord around his arm. “I’m gonna go hide in the bathroom now.” He left abruptly, barely finishing his sentence.

He locked the stall door behind him, grimacing at the nastiness of the floor and toilet. He sat on the edge of the bowl and dropped his head into his hands, pushing himself to regulate his breathing again.

 “I can’t fucking believe that just happened,” Jade muttered, taking in a long breath through his nose. He swallowed the easing lump in his throat. _How in the hell did he_ know _I have any interest in..._ he stopped, unwilling to finish the thought. _Maybe it was random. Or a joke. He’s probably a homophobe and wanted to kick someone’s ass._ There were a million ideas zipping through his mind, all of them unsettling in one way or another. He let himself out of the stall, shoving the amp cord into his back pocket. He washed his hands and stared at himself in the dirty mirror, squinting at his face as if there was something there signalling to other people he wasn’t straight.

 He peered around the corner of the bathroom door, searching the near-empty venue for a red mohawk.

 “Jade,” Chon called to him. “The other guys already left, but here’s your share of tonight’s pay,” he handed Jade twelve dollars.

 “Thanks for waiting,” Jade sheepishly offered.

 “Not a problem, dude,” Chon reassured him. “I’ll see you for practice tomorrow!”

 Jade collected his gear and loaded it into the backseat of his car, still shaken. He turned the radio up, rolling the windows down, hoping to air out his tense head. Of fucking course, he found himself outside none other than Davey’s house. He sat behind the wheel for a solid fifteen minutes, torn between going to the door and driving his own pathetic ass home.

He chose to go to the door. He gave the wood five quick knocks, unsure who would answer. Relief wasn’t a strong enough word for what he felt when Davey greeted him.

“Jade?” Davey’s eyebrows came together, concern, confusion, Jade wasn’t sure.

“Hey,” Jade faltered. “Sorry, it’s late, do you want to maybe go somewhere? I’m sort of-- man, this is probably weird.” 

“Nah, it’s all okay. Where do you want to go?” 

“I don’t know. Somewhere quiet? Ideally, the beach, but that’s at least an hour drive, so that’s kinda out of the question. I would say let’s go get food, but I’d just puke it up, I think.” Jade knew he was babbling more than he needed to, but he couldn’t stop himself.

“How about the park?” Davey suggested, eyes and voice soft. Jade nodded.

At the park, they laid out on the grass and stared up into the sky. They remained silent for a stretch, Jade contemplating whether or not he would tell Davey the whole truth about the evening’s events. He knew he wanted to tell somebody, but the idea of Davey knowing _this one Big Thing_ about him was terrifying.

“I guess I should probably explain why I’m being extra weird,” he finally broke the wordless space.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“That’s a nice thought. I’m sure you mean it, but I feel like I need to. After the show tonight, this one punk came up to me and, uh. He wanted to. Take me home,” he spouted the last three words so fast they merged together.

“He _what_?” Davey’s disbelief was evident in his voice.

“He just walked right up to me and he was like ‘wanna go back to your place?’ And I guess I was sort of flattered, but mostly I panicked, and I am really freaking out now because I’m just,” he sighed. “I need to know if I give off that vibe?”

“Oh my god,” Davey suppressed a laugh. “What vibe? A gay vibe? I mean, first of all, whether or not you do, he could’ve just been a very open and flirtatious guy who isn’t scared of rejection or anything like that.”

“You’re just saying that,” Jade’s face was on fire for a second time, embarrassed with himself and the fact that _he was being giggled at_. “Goddamn it.” Why did he pick Davey to be the person he disclosed this to? If he would’ve just gone home and confided in Smith they could’ve laughed it off together...

“No, I’m not! I mean it. That’s a distinct possibility. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, either, you know.” Davey turned his head to face Jade, completely serious this time.

“I’m not saying it’s bad or anything or that he’s wrong, I just don’t want people to think that about me,” Jade felt transparent as a ghost.

“I hate to sound like Sesame Street, but if it isn’t true, and you know it isn’t true, why does it matter what other people think?” Davey reasoned with him. Jade was at a loss. If there ever were a time to admit that was exactly why it mattered, this was it. He counted to five in his head.

_1_

 

_2_

 

_3_

 

_4_

 

_5_

“Because it _is_ true,” he whispered. His heart slammed against his ribs, beating a new lump up into his throat. Davey scooted closer, lifting the corners of his mouth, eyes gentle. 

“I know,” Davey whispered back. “And that’s okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this isn't a real ending, but I kind of wanted to just throw this shit out there anyway. If I think of a better way to finish it, I'll come back and fix it.


End file.
